Trying to Find God in All the Wrong Places; The Battle Between Rebelling and Acceptance  

Trying to Find God in All the Wrong Places; The Battle Between Rebelling and Acceptance  

 

We all live searching for God one way or another. Some go to holy places to get closer to God, some stay up all night praying, and others have silent battles with the Lord, thinking “why do I deserve this and what is ‘the reason’ behind it?”

All faiths boil down to the same thing. Many questions, many unanswered prayers in so many religions, all expressed in one language, the language of faith.

The universal question of “where is God?” consumed me, like it did many of you, for a very long time now. In my personal search, I doubted a lot, questioned His fairness, disagreed with His ways, and rebelled against His fate, but all the way through, begged for His mercy. Of course, some might call me an unbeliever, others would judge me as a person with a severe lack of faith, but most would agree that I can’t fight with God. I shouldn’t rebel against Him, I have to be at peace with my destiny, but how can there ever be peace without war? How can there be trust without skepticism? What makes white so genuine is that there is black in the world for it to be compared to, and what makes black so dark is that there is white.

“This metamorphosis theory  allowed me to see and feel God in everything around me; not in man-made walls and temples that people had created over the years to worship God in, but in the beauty of a human frown that could turn into a smile”

After absolute wrath, there is absolute calmness, the calmness that gives you space to look closer, calmness that gives you vision and serenity. And only at that moment of absolute serenity, you can finally see. I didn’t see God in the Mosques I prayed in, nor in all the prayers and rituals which I performed every day to beg for His closeness. I saw Him in all the beauty He created, and all the merciful philosophy that He built the world upon. His kind philosophy that nothing truly ends is what really opened my eyes and unlocked my heart. You watch the wave and you think that once the wave curls, it’s done, and along comes another. However, if you look closer, you will see His wisdom, His greatness; the wave curls, reaches the shore, and is pulled back to recreate itself. Then, the water evaporates, cools down, and falls from the skies in the form of rain to refill the seas and oceans.  Trees dry up and leaves die and fall, only to regenerate in a new season. We die and we are revived again. This tells me one thing: nothing is lost, nothing ends. Things only transform from one form to another. Sadness turns into happiness, doubt into faith, then the whole cycle repeats itself. Nothing is forever, and yes, there is no end.

“Now I see, now I feel, now I believe. Now I understand all religions the same. I am in love with whatever God created.”

This metamorphosis theory  allowed me to see and feel God in everything around me; not in man-made walls and temples that people had created over the years to worship God in, but in the beauty of a human frown that could turn into a smile, in the beauty of a rainy sky that could be sunny, in the beauty of an old man whose life could be transformed into a healthy free soul, unleashed from a weak, burdening body, and in the beauty of the wind blowing through my being, reviving every cell and awakening my essence after a long, heartless phase.

Now I see, now I feel, now I believe. Now I understand all religions the same. I am in love with whatever God created. I am in love with the indivisible all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present belief that Judaism introduced; the amount of love and forgiveness that Christianity brought; and the peace, guidance, and graceful society conduct that Islam presented. I am in love with God and his presence that overwhelms the world. We might hate sometimes, only because we love. We might doubt sometimes, only because we trust. And we might lose our way, only to find it again, with a new perspective.

 

Salma Soliman is a Communication Officer at the Egyptian Competition Authority and is a PR freelancer. Writing is one of her greatest passions; she speaks her heart throughit and brings herself to life by it breaking free from all conformist beliefs. She is now working on writing a book tailored to children. Follow her on her instagram account SalmaSoliman6 or contact her on salmasoliman1986@gmail.com

 

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