1. Going to a wedding or a party? you raid your closet for a cover-up that is long enough to keep your disguise and hopefully is somewhat matching with what you’re wearing. You start thinking about the fact that you might be driving back late, possibly alone, and then pile on more cover-ups just in case.
2. Knowing you’re about to go for a long drive: you bring along necessary preparations like a water bottle, gum, tissue, makeup kit, charger, pair of extra flats and pretty much anything you would need if you were stranded in a desert. And you’ll keep them all within arm’s reach in case of emergency. You also won’t be applying your make up this morning since it’ll probably be shot to hell by the time you get to your destination.
3. Wait, maybe there’s an alternative? Taking a taxi: not a great alternative but we’ve all had desperate times. If there’s a chance you might be cab-ing it today, then you consider your clothes’ length, their tightness, what you need to let go of in order to travel light, the directions to where you’re going, how much you should pay, which type of punching technique you’ll be using if you get into a fight, on so on.
4. If you have completely opposite back to back events: when this happens, you must plan ahead, usually the night before, or perhaps a few days earlier even. What you’re wearing to one event is probably not going to be suitable for the other, so you end up packing an extra set of “easily interchangeable” items. Then you wonder for an hour about where you’re going to change, then of course you give up and convince yourself one outfit will do just fine for both events.
5. Am I going to be crossing the street today? This is when you take a few minutes to mentally visualize how you might be dying. You make sure that whatever you’re carrying on you today isn’t vital because if it falls while you’re crossing than it’s either your life or your belongings’.
6. Wearing heels in the street: if you’re in a situation where you’re going to have to be walking in Cairo’s streets with heels, then you take the time to bid your feet farewell, and pray that a fractured ankle is the only injury you get. Then you kiss you pair of heels goodbye and walk out the door.
7. Is finding a parking spot going to be hard today? This is when you re-consider pretty much everything you just considered. If you end up parking too far, how many aspiring potential suitors are going to make passes at you? Are the shoes you’re wearing comfortable enough for the hike you’re about to embark on? Does your outfit make it easy for you to maneuver in between the cars and scooters trying to run you down? picture a game of temple run with you as the running guy. Now run for your life!
8. If you’re heading to a governmental entity today: if you’re having one of those God forsaken days, you start out by making sure you’ve had enough coffee to sustain you for about 13 to 15 hours. Then you, as usual, consider your outfit and how to embellish it with blades so that when someone cuts the queue, you literally cut them back. (We’re kidding! Maybe..)
9. If you’re on a strict diet and have a long day ahead: if you’ve been on the diet for a few days now then you’re probably already hungry the minute you wake up. You consider your options, try to order something that resembles a normal meal at the office and risk not knowing how much fat you’re actually ingesting, or you walk into your kitchen with your tail between your legs and cut up a proper salad and pack some grilled chicken.
10. The big finale is of course, traffic! Before you leave your house, you study bey2ollak and Google maps until you have the relatively traffic-free routes engraved in your memory and you’re certain you won’t get lost. Then you follow Google maps and for some mysterious reason, you still end up at a completely different location with traffic for as far as your eyes can see.