The Sex Play: Deny your Needs and they Deny your Existence

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 Where do I start? This topic has been addressed millions of times, by hundreds of women. For us Arabs, sex is such a huge complicated topic, a bunch of complicated wires all tangled together, some call it taboo, others discard it and live in denial, some secretly become addicts feeding on a rush of tingling pleasure, some allow it for themselves and not for others. As you reach puberty and start developing you cannot help the urges and thoughts, so what do you do? Apart from overdosing on chocolate and playing the poker face of miss goody two shoes, faking Miss Congeniality act and dreaming of a ring that would just get you that one good f***.

You must be asking why the sex topic? What’s the point when I am neither a doctor nor a psychologist, not even someone with a social responsibility? Well, let’s put it this way, I am just a random person such as yourself, lost amidst this entertaining mess and sitting here trying to write an article that would somewhat relate to all of us. When girls and women were asked to pick a topic they wanted to read about, an article that would make them more interested, a joyful favoured topic, guess what? They all mentioned the prohibited 3-letter word: SEX.

I wonder how the world and particularly our Middle Eastern region seems to acknowledge the need of sex for one gender and not for the other, up to the point that girls are made to believe they don’t need it (except for popping out babies), deny themselves their sexual needs as humans, continue to pretend and lie about their true frustrated emotions and sexual desires, watching movies that highlight the necessity of men enjoying the act of sex, condemning women who have had it, mixing religious and social beliefs, quite a mess. They grow up to believe a lie, not to forget mentioning that lots of women tend to let out all the pent up frustration on their friends and family. “You never ask me about the movies I like, you never care to listen to my stories (yes my emotional self centered talks that last for over four hours) you never go out with me for coffee, you didn’t come to my first performance (Jeez I feel like a boyfriend! I am with her most of my free time!). That emotional and sexual self denial just comes out on their friends, colleagues and family, it even at times leads to confusion of their sexual orientation. Suddenly, some of them think about homosexuality, or bisexual tendencies. Which of course backfire again as they deny any thought around the topic, let alone give themselves space to get to know what they want, with no limitations.

The most common comment on single angry working girls in their late twenties and thirties is “Man! That chick needs to get laid! She needs to get married”. Sad eh?

Some women often say, “I am 26 and very young, marriage is the last thing on my mind, career comes first!” Eh.. really? For all I know you are craving a boy since everyone dated at high school. How about letting go? Not of the body, but of the mind of the soul. Why do girls act like that? When we all know the long hours spent in the shower and the discreet fingers slipping down the bed covers, are nothing but a private release of unsatisfactory pleasure, later on to be denied, repented and regretted.

Recent Egyptian movies have addressed the absurdity of it, whether for single women or married women, the one-sided pleasure was very well portrayed, yet very few of us actually got the message. The alarming issue of rape and sexual assault that was badly handled was also played in several movies. Yet what do we get? Virginity tests from our army, with no punishment or proper judiciary act towards that shameful incident. Even with one courageous girl standing up against the beast (That made us all proud, yet we are far from making a change).

This is a brief wake up call, a reminder, to simply acknowledge your rights, not just at the workplace or playing politics, but as humans, breathing, living, eating. We should live up to our own expectations, our own beliefs. (Ehh easier said than done. I should be telling myself this).

Get married, or don’t, have sex or not, date or walk solo, just do what you want and don’t even think of denying yourself anything. For who are we to judge you?

This is to all the women of our limited world that have shed light on us in some way or another, inspiring and challenging, consequently changing us, despite all systems, norms, social institutions and circumstances that may have tried to teach us otherwise. Let there be no obstacles, no degrading inner voice or infuriating outer message that tell you otherwise, I ask all of my beloved sisters of the world to hold their heads up high.

“I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance”, Bell Hooks said.

I wrote this hoping to add or emphasize on our freedom as humans, letting go of whatever act or cover up, not for society but for our own selves. Not to be embarrassed between our own mind, body and soul from whatever need or urge or hopes and dreams. And to make the right choice in whatever decision or route we may take.

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