The Friend I Found in You

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In times of need, you were there for me, right there at my toughest times. You saw me at my worst and were there all the way. Although, things may have gotten a little complicated with our friendship, which had its ups and downs, in the end you were there and will always be the most amazing friend I ever had. Sorry for getting a little personal before, but friendship is such a precious subject, as the concept itself must be treasured forever. I had to get this message out of my system.

 

Our everyday lives are a series of ups and downs, and most of all life is an interconnected web of relations that may or may not be of significance. However, women in specific are more emotional towards forming and keeping life long friendships. Friendship between women is largely characterized by the loving willingness to share important feelings, thoughts, experiences and genuine support. As a woman, seeking or finding or having a best friend, is consolidated by our ultimate need to find a friend who will stand by us through life’s different changes, someone whom we can share our ultimate fears, sorrows, happiness and goals.

Here is one definition of friendship that I came across and that kind of puts matters into focus: “Friendship is an intimate personal, caring relationship with attributes such as reciprocal tenderness and warmth of feeling; reciprocal desire to keep the friendship; honesty and sincerity; trust; intimacy and openness of self; loyalty and durability of the relationship over time.” The concept of a close knit circle of girlfriends in a woman’s life is extremely important, despite the fact that female-female friendships can sometimes be hard to maintain due to varying circumstances. Consequently at times when a woman starts having a man in her life, she may begin to neglect her girlfriends somehow. However, despite the existence of men or male figures in our life; a girlfriend is a totally different story, as she is not only a true friend who loves us, but she also gets us and what we are about, because in someway she is “us” or she represents the actual essence of another woman trying to survive the daily challenges of this changing life. Think of your hardest times, and bear in mind that your friend was there for you, and in consequence try to always keep the friendship up and alive.

Since our early childhood, we find our main source of companionship in our girlfriends, but as time passes, circumstances may alter the nature of the friendship, which can sometimes be affected by misunderstandings or small or big fallouts. However, I must honestly stress the importance of maintaining our friendships and always trying to keep in touch with our best friends. A very important factor reinforcing the fact that we as women need the support and love of our best friends is that women always need to trade confidences to feel safe to feel safe in pouring their hearts out and being vulnerable and emotional, while having a belief that their best friend will always be there for them.

Let me talk a little bit now about male- female friendships and whether it is possible to have a male close or best friend, and also whether male- female friendships stand to be more successful than female- female friendships. Long ago, the idea of a genuine true friendship between men and women was a faraway notion, because of many factors. However, nowadays men and women work together sharing everyday challenges, social and sports interests, and so forming a true male to female friendship is tricky, yes, but it can be done. Society and long attained traditions and beliefs have singled out romance as the only typical expected relationship possible between men and women. We do not want to set general assumptions here about the impossibility of a man and a woman forming a true friendship. I mean there is no universal truth or law stating that a guy and a girl can not be just friends and will only be able to form if possible, a romantic relationship. The situation goes like this: for a guy and a girl or a man and a woman to be close friends and just that; it all depends on how the friendship started, and whether there exists any growing romantic feelings, and also on the nature and personality of the individuals.

I can tell you out of experience, that it is totally possible to have a male best friend who will there for you every step of the way, who will try to make you stronger by lovingly pointing out your weaknesses or vulnerabilities, sometimes a little cruelly, but all for the sake of making you realize your true self. Let me try to point out a few simple but essentially important rules or points to be taken in consideration: if you want to maintain a successful male-female friendship. Everyone, has to keep in mind not to ever cross the line of friendship, because at that moment, there will be no return to the state of friendship. We must also not give in to physical or romantic attraction towards one’s male friend, as this may change the relationship forever. What is really important though is to realize the fact that there will always be doubtful scoffing on the part of some people towards the true honest validity of guy-girl friendships. All in all, never let gender be the deciding factor behind choosing your best or close friend. To put it simply: if  life throws in your way someone you like as a person, and who you can truly relate to, then you must seize the golden opportunity providing you with an amazing friend, because honestly good friends are hard to find.

Friendship is an extremely important part of a woman’s life and of a man’s life also. For men, they form with their buddies this special bond reinforced by mutual interests and genuine male bonding attitude that dictates their being there for each other at times of need, while also sharing fun times together.

Meanwhile, women fundamentally need a close friend to be present in their life with all their heart and soul to share dreams, disappointments, and everyday mundane routine.

I am not going to claim that maintaining friendships is easy, but essentially, it is really worth the effort. I am also not going to adopt some sweeping statements about how it is totally easy to maintain a male female friendship “The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.

In the end, here is a quote that sums it all “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

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