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As I told you sweetie, I had entered the route to motherhood very early. By 23 years old I became a mother of an amazing child… you my angel. I was very happy yet I couldn’t at all deal with you. I didn’t even know how to change your diapers. Your granny god bless her did it all, that’s the benefit of household grandmas I guess. I didn’t come near you for the first three weeks. I was a mere watcher. I remember the first bath I gave you without your granny’s help was when you were two months old, God bless her for baring my incompetence… what can I say she spoils me… but be aware I’m not going to spoil you as such…or may be…just a little.
Before that time (two month old) whenever you woke up at night I would wait for your granny to come to you and she always did until one day you cried and no one answered and you kept crying more and still mum didn’t come and I had to do something, lately I discovered that she was pretending to be asleep; to put me face to face with you, and what a beautiful face you have. I was of course mad with her for sometime –as you will be with me- but that’s how we learn life. I had to depend on myself at sometime. I had to acknowledge the fact that you are my responsibility and mine alone. But don’t you go on thinking that it was easy; tell you a secret I used to be afraid of your navel, afraid that I might hurt you in any way. I was also afraid that you would pee in my face like you did with your granny. By your third month I was someone else and you won’t imagine what I did; I killed a mosquito on my face for fear that it might hurt you, wait until you know me well and you will know how big that was for me to do, me killing a mosquito instead of running the other way. What can I say, you empowered me somehow. You made a new person out of me, a responsible one. I am now responsible for a 50 cm human being incapable of doing anything by himself and I am proud to say that among a very few in the world I’m capable of knowing what you are saying! I can also tell when you are hungry and when you are sick. I take care of you like a crazy person because the slightest thing even a cough can throw a mountain of guilt on me and I would go on blaming myself for not choosing the proper clothes and opening the window and letting ‘you know who’ kiss you and I started to be a very unpleasant person and I developed some sort of a phobia that your father came to term with the idea of divorce- just kidding- I was really a disaster. I couldn’t leave you with anyone even with your granny. Fortunately because she couldn’t breastfeed you- although I wish that was possible- leaving you wasn’t really an option. But that was only part of the reason behind me not leaving, truth to the matter…with you I felt secured. Before you I was afraid to sit by myself at home but now your father can leave us for days and I can care less because you are with me, even with knowing that you can do nothing if a ghost or a robber appeared to us, still I feel like we’re the dream team ‘undefeatable’. I thank god and I thank you.
P.S. I love so much!
Young moms should read and learn a lot about dealing with babies and raising children, they must meet with other moms who actually have babies on board to learn from their experiences.
If you have working mums convince them to quit before having your baby ….. I am joking
You will be responsible for a human being only yours so you will have a dual feelings responsibility and guilt.