Sleeping with the Enemy: Married for 13 Years and Still a Virgin!

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I am 38 years, well educated and from a good family. I am in shape and told to be good looking. When I graduated I took on a job as an English translator in a reputable firm in Cairo. It all began with my urge to leave my parents’ house seeking freedom and independence. I never had romantic relationships in my youth, I went to a girls school and wasn’t allowed to go out that much and never had a boyfriend in college. When I turned 25 years I accepted the first groom that came a long and proposed to me. He was a sales executive in a very known electronic company, seemed like a nice guy, although I knew that he was not the man of my dreams but I would be free to work, go out with friends, travel and explore life without being chained with curfews that my strict father enforced on me. At first my father didn’t approve of the groom for he was 15 years older than me and for him a total cheapskate. Of course, I didn’t listen to my father and fought until they gave in. Four months later I was married. During the engagement we had no sexual contact other than hugs and kisses due to our religious and cultural beliefs. When we finally got married only for me to find out that he has an erectile dysfunction and is not capable of sexual intercourse. My husband knew that he had a problem yet pretended to be as shocked as I was on our wedding night. I never told my parents and kept to myself until I would figure out what to do. Weeks later I came clear with my mother and left her shocked as well. She suggested treatment and that there must be a solution. Due to my lack of sexual education I listened to all the wrong people, got horrible advice and took terrible decisions. One doctor told me that it would be easier for my husband if I weren’t a virgin anymore. My husband convinced the doctor that he doesn’t get an erection because I am afraid to have intercourse and keep on screaming. While women who sleep around undergo hymen repairs I was forced to undergo hymen incision. My mother was my only confidant and I never had any other support for I kept it a secret for as long as I was married. Although I am well educated I listened to my mother when she made us see a “professional” who turned out to be some sort of “exorcist” to see if my sex live was under some kind of spell. Unfortunately, I listened to her and I went through a dark phase of exorcism that left me beaten with a broken arm and a lost soul. I know it sounds horrible but I was desperate to make my life work. Of course my marriage was a disaster. I went through unneeded surgery, through exorcism to wanting to have kids over to frustration. I reached a very dark and long phase of depression and dissatisfaction of whatever life had to offer. To make matters worse, my husband turned out to be the real deal cheapskate my father had warned me about. Not for once had he thought of compensating for his failure by at least getting me things I would want. During my marriage my sexual desire increased day by day. My body and soul had needs that couldn’t be ignored. My mother was an old woman who couldn’t grasp what I was talking about. I had to break free and get a divorce.
We used to fight like crazy about anything. Regardless if trivial or serious the fight was the same ever since we married. When I spoke of divorce he would tell me that he will get a new doctor and get treated. In vain for his case was diagnosed as cureless. After 13 years of suffering, bad advice, silence, fights and frustration I came out with the real reason behind my horrible marriage and filed for a divorce.

I am full of regret about the life wasted. I wish I had been more reasonable towards my decisions. No one gets married to escape curfews of parents. Marriage needs maturity and sound judgment. Divorce is a solution not a death sentence. If I hadn’t listened to my mother’s advice I would be in a different place. I might have been married to a different man, a healthy relationship and kids. I blame my mother a lot but I am to blame as well. This whole experience affected my career, social life and future. I am 38 years now and ready to start new. I am ready to get married, have an accomplished life with children and a loving husband. Due to financial reasons I moved in with my mother. My father passed away a couple of years ago. My relationship with my mother is not the same anymore; I hardly listen to anything she tells me and I am my own boss. I should have done that years ago. I want to tell every woman to have courage and step up for her rights and life. Make your own decisions and don’t accept anything and don’t let anyone cage you. Be your own boss, no one will ever understand what goes on behind closed doors, take initiative and be your own boss.

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