Have you ever caught your husband/significant other cheating on you? How did you feel? Sad? Shocked? Humiliated? Angry? Furious? Hurt? All of the above? Most of us would feel a mixture of all these emotions, if not more.
I researched the matter and found there are certain steps or phases one will go through in such a situation.
1. The shock of infidelity (This occurs the minute you find out, and may last a few hours, days or even weeks. It might take some time for you to believe that this can happen to you.)
2. Once you begin to open yourself, explore and learn, you notice your thinking begins to make shifts. It’s as if your thinking becomes surrounded by a new frame. You start accepting that it has happened and start dealing with how you feel about it and how you’ll deal with it.
3. Do I REALLY want to be married to him? This is a constant question that will keep coming up in your thought processes during the time of self re-discovery and acceptance of the facts.
4. Now with a clear mind and unburdened by your personal fears and neediness you’ll begin to devise strategies to address the infidelity. Ignore it? Confront him? Confront her? What will you do? This is the time when all the “revenge” thoughts and ideas will fill your mind. IGNORE them. Be constructive =)
5. Crunch time: stay or go! Decision time: the most difficult time in such a situation. Will you stay in this relationship? Will you leave? How will you do it? When will you do it? How will you survive whichever decision you make? Are you ready to make this shift?
And so you are being in the process of rebuilding the marriage with him/her.
Or you begin the process rebuilding self without him/her.
Sometimes you may have the option of rebuilding what you both shared and start a fresh page. Other times, you know that staying will only cause you &/or the children irrevocable damage, be it emotional, physical or mental… The decision is yours.
If you’re lucky your partner will express genuine remorse and apologize for his atrocious actions. Other times your partner will be obnoxious about the situation, and you’ll know when you confront him that there is no hope of this once happy family of ever returning to what it once was. Either way, now you KNOW what you have to do for the benefit and well-being of all those involved.
Infidelity is a heartbreaking, soul shattering, confidence shaking experience. It might cause you to blame yourself, or blame “the other woman”, your own personal sense of self worth might wobble for a while. Know this: There is no reason on earth, no logical, rational excuse for cheating.
It is not your fault